If you're in trouble he'll save the day

He's brave and he's fearless come what may

Without him the mission would go astray

He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer

Without him life would be much grimmer

He's handsone, trim and no-one's slimmer

He'll never need a zimmer

He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer

More reliable than a garden strimmer

He's never been mistaken for Yul Brynner

He's not bald and his head doesn't glimmer

Master of the wit and the repartee

Command of space directives is uncanny

How come he's such a genious? Don't ask me!

Ask Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer

He's also a fantastic swimmer

And if you play your cards right

Then he might come 'round for dinner

He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer

No rhymes left now apart from quimmer

And if they fade us out before we get to schlimer

Fade out you stupid brimmer